My flight is officially one week away and things are definitely more real than ever. I’m officially unemployed and just a full-time student. The list of things I must do before I leave is (slowly) shortening. And my schedule is busier than ever trying to squeeze as much in as I can, between family time, going out with friends, and adulting.

If you couldn’t tell already, this post will be more of a diary, endless thoughts in my head, kind of post. So this is your time to turn back if you don’t want all the details.

My last day at both jobs were just a normal work day, with normal customer issues needing resolutions. I didn’t want it to be a sad day and I still haven’t read the goodbye card they gave me. I keep telling everyone I’ll be back when the semester is over, but I don’t actually know how true that is. I could go back to my normal life as if I never left or I could take a new path and get on track to meet my career goals. My plans don’t go that far in my head because I don’t know what I’ll encounter over the next four months. There’s a long list of ‘what ifs’ in my head, but I have a feeling that the one ‘what if’ i haven’t come up with in my head will become reality. I mean this entire trip doesn’t seem like reality already so expect the unexpected.

The question I’m asked at least a dozen times a day is answered differently every time. “Are you excited?” The answer varies based on a few things such as how long I’ve known you, how close are we, how many details I’ve already told you, and how real of an answer you can actually handle. I could break down each answer for you all, but I’m just gonna give you an elongated real answer.

Are you excited?

I’m a lot of things.

Yes, I’m excited, because this is one of my dreams come true and I’m going to learn a lot from the whole experience, thus making me better personally and professionally.

I’m ecstatic because there’s so many new things I’ll encounter, which as a very curious person, will be fulfilling.

I’m scared because I’ll be in another country on my own, while my family is thousands of miles away.

I’m nervous and slighty uncomfortable because I don’t know what to expect and I can’t plan anything out. It’s as if I’m not wearing my glasses and what’s in front of me is blurry; the further it is, the hardest it is to see what it is.

I’m uneasy because I’m going to miss everything about being with my family, mostly my nieces and nephew.

I’m overwhelmed because of the amount of things I feel I need to get done before.

There is no one feeling that weighs the most, it just depends on a specific detail. It’s too much of an open-ended question to answer completely, so I tell people what they want to hear. I’m proud of myself for achieving this opportunity and I know this is the foundation for my successful future.

A brutal truth that I try not to speak on with certain people is the government shut down. While it does not affect me as much as those working without pay, it does worry me. I’ve read the effects online, but I got the chance to meet a TSA employee and hear her perspective. It’s been 33 days without a paycheck and obviously they’ve had enough. Terminals have already been shut down in Miami due to call outs, and who’s to say my terminal a week from now isn’t next? No TSA means little to no security, which means unsafe passengers, which means uneasy pilots likely to not show up, in the end cancelling flights. If (and when) I make it to London, who says I have to come back if i have to look forward to this?